Warning: You’re probably going to love them, too.
What impresses a guy most in bed? Surprisingly (or maybe not so, guys do have a reputation for being lazy), most confessed that they’re not all that interested in theatrics or trapeze acts. In fact, many men told us that they’re simple creatures who basically just want their wives to show up. But if you’re looking to give him something extra-special, they’d love a little bit of this.
1. DO IT WITH THE LIGHTS ON
You may be worried about what your husband thinks of your post-breast-feeding boobs, your C-section scar, or that at some point, he’ll stop being attracted to you because you look a little — OK, a lot—different than you did on your wedding day. But men rarely notice your self-perceived flaws — they only become aware of them if you’re preoccupied with them or go out of your way to cover up. “It’s true, men are very visual,” says relationship expert Bernardo Mendez. “But it’s really about wanting to be able to actually see you move, preferably with no clothes on. We’re validated by how happy we can make you in bed, and that’s what we’re focused on—not on how much you may have changed.” So allow him see you. All of you.
2. TOUCH YOURSELF
Some women — and men — might find this a tad embarrassing, but hear us out. “Watching a confident woman fully connect to her sexuality is a huge turn-on for us,” says Mendez. It’s like giving your husband a private peep show, and being able to see the pleasure on your face and get a better understanding of exactly how you like to be touched is both a turn-on and a valuable lesson.
3. USE YOUR MOUTH
Call us Captain Obvious, but… “I cannot stress this enough: We love getting blow jobs,” says dating coach Todd Valentine. “And we love when you take it upon yourselves — no asking or begging required—to give us one.” So go ahead and surprise him, and not just because it’s his birthday or you lost a bet.
4. BE VOCAL
We’re not suggesting frighteningly fake porn star-moans, butmen want to know when you’re enjoying yourself. “That doesn’t necessarily mean you need to talk dirty,” says Valentine. “Commands — like ‘f— me harder’ — can make us freeze up. Telling us when you like something—’I love it when you f— me hard’— is far better.” You might wonder the point of “oohs” and “ahhs” after all these years — after all, he likely knows what works by now. But if you let yourself go and gasp a little like old times, you may be surprised by how he respond to that validation — and what his renewed excitement will do to you.
5. FOCUS ON HIS SENSITIVE SPOTS
The tip of his penis should be paid special attention, says Valentine. “Handle with care, but know that a flick of the tongue here and there will leave your husband speechless.”
6. GET FRISKY ANYWHERE BUT IN BED
“Men fantasize about having sex in different places,” says Dr. Scott Haltzman, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. While routine sex has its place, he sometimes wants to do something different—and that’s good for you too. One day, head to Ikea in search of a faux bear-skin rug (spare him the trip) and get wild in front of your fireplace. Or simply straddle him on the couch while the kids are at a sleepover — just make sure the TV is turned off behind you.
7. SLOW DOWN
We’ve all been there: You’re totally exhausted and trying to get it over with or you’re simply caught up in what’s happening and your body naturally goes fast. But decelerating can be powerful. “Men like being able to feel everything and to have time to explore,” says Valentine. “For example, if you’re performing oral sex, take him all the way in and out very slowly so he’s just barely touching your mouth.” Once you’re done teasing him you can go full throttle, but in the beginning, a light technique goes a long way.
8. SHOW OFF YOUR ACTING CHOPS
“Many married men worry they’re going to get bored of having sex with just one woman,” says Haltzman. That’s why role-playing is so effective. In addition to having you — his fabulous wife —your husband can also get feisty with the “barista” or “maid.” “Entering into fantasy-mode automatically increases levels of dopamine, the arousal hormone, and elevates your sense of attachment,” adds Haltzman. So even after you’re through getting down with the “cop” or “pirate,” you’ll feel closer to each other for having done something novel together.
9. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF FOREPLAY
Sure, guys have a reputation for wanting to get it on within seconds, but don’t get forget that the buildup can be just as hot. Whether it’s a sexy text you send to get him excited or slowly disrobing for an impromptu a striptease, try getting him revved up before you even start. Why rush to the main event when you can build up to something even hotter?
10. LET HIM DOMINATE YOU
Couples so often get into a sex routine — same time of night, same place, same position. And while your husband may not make an active move to change things, men want to have the power to switch up patterns and take total control, says Haltzman. Get out one of his silk ties, have him bind your hands together, and let him take it from there. We suspect you won’t regret it.
11. DO SOMETHING TABOO
Most of the men we spoke with confided that they’re interested in trying — or having more — anal sex. “The almost forbidden nature of this act and the vulnerability it requires from you make it something men really want to experience, but don’t want to suggest out of fear of offending you,” says Mendez. If you’d be up for experimenting with anal and suspect your husband would enjoy it, initiate a conversation. Not quite ready for anal just yet? Try these almost-anal positions.
12. TOUCH THE UNEXPECTED PLACES
Did you know that men have a lot of places that can be erogenous of places, besides the penis? There are semi-obvious places like a guy’s torso or inner-thoughts, but don’t forget lesser-thought of sexy sports, like his temples or behind his knees.
13. INDULGE HIS FANTASY
Sometimes, it just pays to ask. Just like no two women are the same, no two men are the same — and neither are their fantasies. Ask your partner what his ultimate sexy wish is, and then indulge exactly that. Whether he’s been dying to see you in a certain type of lingerie or have you dominate him, you’ll only know if you ask. Assuming you’re in a healthy, honest relationship, he’ll be happy to open up.
14. DRESS UP
Never ever underestimate the power of a see-through teddy to get your guy standing tall. “Anything that makes a woman feel good in her body and sexually confident is very sexy,” says sex and relationship therapist Megan Fleming, Ph.D. And nothing is sexier to your guy than confidence. I can personally attest to this fact; my man cannot resist this sexy little (and I emphasize little) red nightie that a nonchalantly stroll around in on occasion. But it’s not even just wearing the lingerie. It’s the tease, the sexy text you send him letting him know you bought some lingerie but he has to wait until the evening. Take your time and take charge, because the ball is in your court and your man wants it all.
15. INDULGE IN SOME PROSTATE PLAY
The prostate might be new territory for you, or it might be new territory for you and your guy, or maybe he’s been too shy to ask for a finger up his butt, but don’t leave the prostate unattended. It’s time to show your guy how much pleasure he is missing in his derrière. “A lot of the penis is internal; it almost looks like a boomerang,” explains Fleming. With back-door play, “you’re massaging these internal nerve endings and that can feel really good.” Start by adding a finger when you’re both highly aroused. Soon enough, he’ll be wondering why he wasn’t already experimenting with prostate play. “It’s definitely worth testing those waters,” says Fleming.
16. EXPAND YOUR MENU
It’s easy for any couple to get in a sexual rut. “What happens in a relationship is everything you like and your partner like stays on the menu, but anything either of you doesn’t like, isn’t tried,” explains Fleming. “So make a list of yes/no/not for now and over time as you develop the intimacy, the safety, and the connection, then you can be like ‘OK, why don’t we go back and visit role play or go back and revisit anal play.’” It’s that simple! Think of all the fun you’ll have writing the list out together. (And how much easier your sex life will be when the two of you aren’t scrambling to think of new sex positions in the heat of the moment.)